Why do victims of abuse become abusers

But mature awareness and responsible concern are healthy. In contrast, people who are unable or unwilling to admit, to themselves, that they have the potential to abuse others, are more likely to act on abusive thoughts and impulses when they arise, especially during times of major stress. Because this worry is totally understandable and very common, any therapist who can address other consequences of unwanted or abusive childhood sexual experiences can help with this one too.

And he or she can help without over-reacting or judging you. But sadly, for many men in this situation, there are obstacles to getting what you need and deserve:. But still, there is hope — even if you have already acted on your fantasies or impulses. It is possible to learn to stop. Keep looking for help until you find it, no matter how long it takes. If your child is sexually abused it does NOT mean that they will grow up to perpetuate that abuse on others, especially if your child is given the help and care that they need after the abuse is discovered.

It harms survivors of childhood sexual abuse to have this stigma attached to them. Some myths are harmless, like believing that going outside with wet hair will give you a cold. Others can cause a lot more harm. Certain factors have been found to worsen the long-term impact of abuse and make it more difficult to break the chain, including abuse that started early in life, abuse that lasted a long time, abuse in which the perpetrator had a close relationship to the victim, abuse that the child experienced as particularly harmful and abuse that occurred within a cold familial environment.

Victims of abuse who do go on to become abusive themselves may not always repeat the exact nature of their own abuse, either — a person who was sexually abused as a child may not go on to sexually abuse her own children, for example, but may be a neglectful parent.

Olivia, a year-old tech worker in the Bay Area, is very conscious of the need to break the cycle of abuse in her own life.

I thought my home life was normal until high school. Franklin says that a lot of victims who have carried on the pattern of abuse in their own lives have no idea that their own experiences constituted abuse. For a patient like this, being beaten up because they threw a tantrum feels like a proportionate, deserved and normal punishment. Published online Persistent complications of child sexual abuse: Sexually compulsive behaviors, attachment, and emotions.

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These choices will be signaled globally to our partners and will not affect browsing data. We and our partners process data to: Actively scan device characteristics for identification. I Accept Show Purposes. It Feels Familiar. It Is an Attempt to Heal A survivor of childhood sexual abuse may try to undo the abuse by taking back power. They May Feel Inadequate People who were abused as children may believe, on some deep level, that they are not good enough to deserve a genuinely caring relationship.

They May Feel Grandiose Strange as it may seem, people who were abused may counteract the feelings of inadequacy by believing that they are better than others. It is a Search for Power and Control By becoming an abuser, someone who has been abused can play the role of the more powerful person in the relationship in an attempt to overcome the powerlessness they felt when they were being abused.

They May Be Sexually Aroused by Abusive Behavior Sexual arousal is a normal human experience, and is often a normal response to sexual contact. They May Feel Very Angry People who have been abused may carry a lot of anger about what happened to them and abuse can be a way to express that anger.

They May Try to Hurt Others Before Being Hurt If abuse and hurt feels inevitable, people who have been abused may view sexual relationships as predatory and react with avoidance or hostility towards partners or suitors. They May be Searching for Intensity When children are traumatized through sexual abuse, they may associate or confuse intensity with pleasure.

Living a Fantasy Feels Safer Than Reality Because abuse is so painful, people who have been abused may cope by retreating into a fantasy world. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. What are your concerns? Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles.